OOTD

Outfit of the Day is a visual representation of my experience as a people pleaser. For most of my life, I didn't know I was one. My wife helped give me language for it and helped me identify it.

Before that, I'd walk away from social interactions of any kind completely drained. Every single time. I never factored in how people pleasing played into it. It wasn't intentional. More subconsciously than anything, I'd pick which version of myself needed to show up.

Who's the audience? Which pieces of me should be amplified? Which parts need to be toned down? What needs to be muted? Am I too hood for the boardroom? Too corporate for the trenches? They could never understand all of me, so I guess I'll be who I think they need me to be.

Can you see how all of those calculations lead to burnout?

Social interactions can still leave me drained, but much less than before. I don't spend time in places where I feel I have to perform. I don't spend time with people I can't be my full self around. Showing up as my complete, authentic self has changed both how I interact and how those interactions feel.

Several works in this series speak to the toll that fracturing yourself takes, including the unintentional, unaccounted-for energy that compartmentalization requires. At times, fixing the fracture can feel harder than just living with it. But it's easy to confuse familiarity with ease.