School Boy B

So much of The Art of Vanity deals with trauma and the things I'm trying to heal from. This portrait is a reflection on the parts of my childhood I miss.

I found this school photo from my fourth or fifth grade picture day, and it sparked a wave of nostalgia. Summer days, out with friends, doing the kid things we did to keep ourselves entertained. Trying to build a spaceship out of scrap we found around the neighborhood. Learning karate to fight crime as Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles. Trying to be our favorite WWF wrestlers. We'd have wrestling matches in the backyard, even ladder matches. We didn't have a ladder, so we used a tree we had to climb.

Being an artist, I spent a lot of time drawing and making the things I couldn't convince my mom to buy, or that we couldn't afford. When we wrestled, we wanted to be as much like the wrestlers as possible. We couldn't afford the official merch or the replica championship belts, so I got creative and made our own.

We cut up and decorated whatever old clothes we had permission to use, and turned them into the costumes the wrestlers wore. We made our own championship belts, too. I'd get cardboard boxes, draw the different titles on them, cut them out, paint them, and wear them around. Eventually I got so good at making them that they became prized possessions in the neighborhood. We'd hold tournaments for the belts, and the winner got to keep it at home until the next match.

I think back fondly on those times. But there's a certain envy that comes with the memories, because it was a time before adulting, when you didn't have to do anything but live. There was school, of course, but mostly it was just existing. It was really, really pure. And I miss those times.