Head Above The Clouds

I've been practicing escapism in some form my entire life. For some people, that might look like daydreaming, or getting lost in a movie or a book. For me, at the earliest, it started as drawing. At some point, it shifted from a fun form of escape to a trauma-based one. That usually happens when there's no physical way to escape.

Dissociative escapism is a psychological defense mechanism, where a person mentally or emotionally disconnects from reality, their body, or their surroundings to cope with overwhelming stress, fear, or trauma. I wasn't always aware of it, but I've come to realize the symptoms showed up early and often throughout my life. I often felt detached from my own body and emotions, like I was having an out-of-body experience, watching myself live my life.

I've also always struggled with gaps in my memory. I'm always amazed by people who can recall specific memories. Unless I'm prompted, it's incredibly hard for me to recall memories on my own. I need a trigger, or someone to start filling in the details, before it comes back to me. Even then, a lot of it is foggy at best.